Dag 46. Söndag
Iaf så har det hänt extremt lite idag. Mamma försökte övertala mig att få låna min bree bok men jag vägrade, så nu har hon lånat Idas istället. Vissa tycker kanske att det är lite konstigt att vi har tvåexemplar av samma bok... Men men, annars måste ju en vänta på att få läsa den!
Dessutom kommer hon ju vilja ta med den till örebro i höst också.
Igår började jag läsa Wide Awake igen. Det hela började med att jag visade den för Ida, och sen mindes jag plötsligt hur förskräckligt bra den är! Wide Awake är ett twilight fanfic som jag började läsa för flera månader sen när jag var sjuk. Jag kom till kapitel 44, och det är långa kapitel, dessutom är de på engelska så det tar lite längre tid att läsa.
Jag vet inte riktigt vad som hände, jag slutade bara läsa... Men fortsatte igår kväll, och idag. Ägnade nästan hela dagen åt att läsa den idag, och ska börja på kapitel 49 nu. Det har varit typ tre kaptiel med två delar, men ändå. Om det tar en dag att läsa typ 4 kapitel, då fattar ni kanske hur lång tid jag har suttit och läst det där. Iaf är den snart slut, och jag får väl erkänna att jag grät ganska mycket när jag läste... Egentligen var det väl inte så jääätttteeesorgligt, det var mest stämningen!
Wide Awake är ganska annorlunda än Twilight. Mycket mörkare.
Både Edward och Bella är människor.
Bella flyttar till sin moster Esme och sin kusin Alice i Forks från Phenix. När hon var fjorton år så blev hon och hennes mamma misshandlad av en av hennes mammas gamla pojkvänner, och det slutade med att Phil, som han då heter dödade Bellas mamma.
Efter det klarar Bella inte alls av kroppskontakt med killar, och får typ flashback och nåt anfall om någon kille rör henne. Dessutom är hon rädd för garderober eftersom Phil stängde in henne i en.
Edward är adopterad av Carlisle Cullen, som även har adopterat Emmett. Emmett och Edward bråkar väldigt mkt. Emmett är ihop med Rosalie Hale, och Edwards bästa och enda vän, Jasper Hale är Rosalies bror.
Bellas kusin Alice Brandon är kär i Jasper och Jasper är kär i Alice... precis som i boken alltså.
Alla i skolan tycker att Bella är galen, vilket inte är så konstigt.
“Oh Shit!” Jasper shot up in his seat and turned to me with a smirk. “You missed all the excitement over the new girl didn’t you?”
“New girl?” I asked in a bored tone and closed my eyes. People around here always went ape shit over fresh meat. I could care less.
Jasper rolled his eyes at my obvious indifference,. “No way, man. You’re going to get a kick out of this. New Girl is Alice’s crazy cousin. She moved in with her a week ago.” I frowned. I had a new neighbor and didn’t even notice. No. I had a new crazy neighbor and I didn’t even notice.
Först är hon bara 'new girl' sen blir hon 'crazy new cousin girl' och sen blir hon 'My Girl' istället <3
BELLA! WHERE’D Y’GO” Mike called from the bottom of the stairs. His voice was slurred, verifying my suspicions about his drinking. Panicking again at his quickly approaching voice, I located the only door I could see and tried the handle. Unlocked. I flung the door open, and slammed it as quietly as I could in my alarmed state, and leaned my forehead against it.
I was panting and lightly shaking by now, and I worked to steady my breaths with my eyes closed, while listening intently to see if I could still hear Mike. My shaking hand was still on the knob, so I took a moment to lock the door, and backed away from it slightly.
When I didn’t hear anything on the other side of the door, I let out a deep sigh of relief, and closed my eyes. Just then, someone in the room behind me cleared their throat. I jumped around and hit my back against the door, making a surprised squeaking sound, and instinctively brought my hand up to my mouth. There, sitting Indian style in a large four poster bed was a guy who looked to be around my age. He had the strangest shade of disheveled bronze hair, a very pale complexion, much like mine, and startling green eyes that had very dark circles under them and were severely bloodshot. He looked almost as tired as I felt, but he was very… beautiful? Yes, beautiful. It was one of those moments where I wished I could get closer to someone of the male gender, because he was very good looking, almost inhumanly so.
But he was sitting there looking at me expectantly with his eyebrows raised. I was stunned in silence for a moment before I realized this must be his room, and I was being very intrusive.
“Oh my….I’m s-so sorry… I had n-no idea... I was just t-trying…” I stammered, trying unsuccessfully to explain my presence. I let out a deep breath and shuffled my feet uncomfortably, looking everywhere but in his eyes.
“Oh, no, it’s not a problem, really. I have girls busting into my bedroom to have weird random emotional breakdowns all the time.” He smirked.
Grejen med både Edward och Bella är att ingen av dem sover. pga mardrömmar.
“It’s just, you look really tired. You should go home and get some sleep.” I said sincerely.
She turned then, after replacing the book to its spot on the shelf, and let out a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, I should go home and get some sleep.” She said in what sounded like a sarcastic voice. I furrowed my brows and looked at her quizzically. She grimaced and shook her head.
“I don’t really sleep.” She said, and then at the shocked look I’m sure was written all over my face, added “I mean, I try not to sleep. Bad dreams.” She finished lamely.
But now it all made a kind of sense to me. The tired look on her face, the fact she sleeps at school, the nightmare she had in Bio today. She didn’t sleep either. Like me.
“You don’t sleep either? You try to stay awake?” I asked in an astonished voice. Her eyes got wide then, and her face got paler. Then suddenly she furrowed her brow in confusion.
“Either? You don’t sleep?” She asked quietly. I had never really spoken to anyone about my sleeping problems, but figured she was in the same situation. I shook my head slowly, holding her gaze. “Nightmares?” She whispered quietly. I paused for a second, not really liking the term.
De bestämmer att de ska träffas utomhus på natten eftersom de bor grannar. Då har de någon att prata med när de försöker hålla sig vakna.
“When I was 9, I was in a house fire, and I watched my father burn to death.” I blurted quickly in a tight voice. I decided to leave the exact cause of the fire out of my confession. I didn’t look at her reaction to that statement before I continued. “My mom sent me away after that.” I said in a bitter tone, scratching at the wood tabletop with my fingernail. “That’s what my nightmares are about. Some nights it’s the fire, other nights it’s about her leaving. Sometimes they’re about the fucked up things that happened to me in foster homes.” I finished with a shrug and took another deep drag from my glowing cigarette.
She was quiet for a moment, so I looked up at her to gauge her reaction. Her wide, worn brown eyes were filled with shock, concern, and… pity. I fucking hated seeing people looking at me with pity, so I averted my gaze back towards the river with a sour look on my face.
“I’m sorry…” she whispered in a low pained voice. I let out one humorless chuckle recalling my earlier assumptions of her apologizing too much. I just shrugged and waved the hand holding my cigarette in a dismissive fashion, and went back to scratching the wooden table. I knew it was her turn to explain, but I sat patiently waiting for her to gather her courage, and continued smoking my cigarette. Eventually it was burned thoroughly, so I flicked it out of the gazebo, following the glowing ember with my eyes, making sure it hit the wet ground, and nothing else.
The sound of her quietly clearing her throat brought my attention back to her. She was staring down at her hands entwined on the table with a nervous, yet tired expression.
“A year ago, my mom and I were victims of a month-long home invasion.” She whispered so quietly I could barely hear. My eyes widened, not really expecting that particular scenario – which is saying a lot, because I worked through many in my head. I waited patiently for her to continue. Her eyes were tight, likely recalling her past horrors, and never left her hands. “The man… Phil, was one of my mom’s old boyfriends. He broke in and held us in the house for almost four weeks.” She paused then; darting her eyes around the yard in front of her like someone was going to jump out of the darkness unexpectedly. She licked her lips and started again. “He tortured my mother and me… doing awful things...” She shuddered and closed her eyes tightly. I wanted to reach out to her and comfort her in some way, but knew I couldn’t. Emmet told me she didn’t like being touched. So I just sat and listened, hoping my mere presence gave her some amount of comfort. “He killed her in front of me.” She added in an emotionless voice, now staring in the direction of the river with a hard look marring her features. Then she crossed her arms on the table in front of her and laid her head down on them, facing me. “That’s what my nightmares are about.” She finished in a tired, slurred voice and closed her eyes.
Bella älskar att laga mat. Varje natt bakar hon kakor, som hon sen ger namn efter sin dag. Varje kapitel har ett kaknamn.
Jaja, nu ska jag sluta skriva om ett fanfiction. Istället kanske jag ska gå och kolla om jag har någon läxa till imorgon, klockan är ju faktiskt över tio....
Byebye!
